M5 The Trial – ...another man's nightmare.
by Commander Kentar Chinari & Lieutenant JG Gired
Post Details
ON:
The day’s events had taken a toll on his energy level and Kentar was ready to get some sleep. There was so much going on in so short a time that he hadn't had the chance to rest in what felt like an eternity. He lowered the bed from it's wall-mount and after undressing climbed under the sheets. He rested his head against the pillow and closed his eyes, shutting out the world around him and entering the one within.
It was chaotic to put it mildly. Noises and visions from what seemed like all of time bombarded his mind. At first there was no distinction to it. It was almost as if he was experiencing the crew’s thoughts all at once. Then things began to form, images became clearer and sounds more distinct. He could here specific words, sights, emotions and the physical contact that came with what was happening.
Gired was looking across the table at Kentar, hating him and at the same time knew he was right ‘Damn him. By my Element, damn him to Areinnye. Damn him for bringing up these memories… Damn him for bringing that…thing…back… Maybe he’s right… Maybe Father was right… Maybe I am a monster… This isn’t how I wanted her to find out… This isn’t how I wanted her to find out at all… I have to get out of here…’
~Was this what it was like? ~ Kentar wondered. He had seen the event replayed in his memories but not from his perspective. He had been sitting with Gired when that had happened. The thoughts weren’t his either. They were Gired’s. That’s when he realized that he was living the memories of the man who made no qualms about making his dislike for him known. The blast from his mind left a lot to sort through. A lot of anger, rage and hatred.
Now he was with a boy who looked no older than five. There was a name...Tafv. He could feel his heart throbbing, a lump in his throat at the thought of him. The sadness gripped his innermost being whenever at the thought of Tafv.
~We’re special, Tafv. We’re special cause we can do this.~
~Yeah. Kihai can’t do it. He only thinks he can.~
A Romulan male walked into the room. Kentar suddenly felt the way he had when he was two and three years old when the Cardassian doctor would open the door to his cramped cell.
“Are you talking with your minds again?” The man thundered. “I forbade you from talking with your minds! You’re freaks you little monsters! I’ll show you to do that! If I don’t then they will!”
His voice rumbled in his ears. Kentar watched, listened and trembled at the memory that didn’t belong to him. He hated it, hated the man that grabbed him by the arm and dragged him outside to the hlai barn. Gired’s little legs couldn’t keep up with the pace the man as taking. Kentar could feel the dirt beneath his feet, the smell in the air as dust was kicked into the air and he bounce stepped to keep his balance.
“Father, what are you doing?” Tafv asked.
“Father, what are you going to do?” Gired asked. His voice trembled and Kentar could feel the warble in his throat.
Their father threw them on the barn floor and closed and locked the door. “Now you will learn what happens to freaks and monsters who talk with their minds.” He picked up the whip they used for the hlai.
Both boys froze, terror running through them. “Father…please…” Gired cried.
Kentar could hear the whip coming towards him as it sliced through the air, making a piercing scream. The sting of contact burrowed through his skin, sending the taste of bile to his throat and fire to his mind. Before the echo of the first blow could subside, the singing, screaming sound was heard again and again and again.
~Who was Tafv?~ Kentar thought as the images and the pain subsided. There was a brief moment of silence and darkness.
The scene changed and Gired was tied by his wrist to a barn door frame watching as Tafv was beaten with the same whip, knowing he was next. Kentar watched through the eyes of the young Gired, felt the course manila horse rope scratching against his skin. His thoughts were focused on the boy in front of him, even as the tears streamed down his cheeks.
~It’ll be okay, Tafv. We just gotta make it go away. We gotta make it go away Tafv. We have to stop it. ~
Tafv was thrown to the ground in a shuddering, bloody heap.
‘It’s going to be worse…we didn’t do that before…’
~It? Suppress what? ~ Kentar struggled to understand even as he felt it, knew the thoughts and the emotions behind them. It was clarity and confusion at the same time. What was so wrong with being telepathic? What had they done that warranted such vile treatment from their own father?
The scene changed again and they were eight. The voice of their Father hollering for Tafv echoed down the hall. Gired turned his brother by the shoulders and gave him a slight shove. “Go hide in the closet, Tafv!”
“No, Gired, he’ll hurt you!”
“It’s not your fault, you can’t control it. Just go hide, Tafv!”
“Thanks Gired.” Tafv ran into the closet, stealing a last look at Gired as he closed the door. Gired turned and went to the barn willingly for what would be another bad beating…
~ Don’t go. ~Kentar pleaded. ~Don’t go. It’s not worth it. You’ve done nothing wrong.~
The scene changed again and he was nine, sitting cramped into the cargo hold with the other dissidents. Chulak was looking out the viewport. “There’s a Federation ship! We’re saved!”
The Romulans cheered. Gired felt a wave of relief sweep over him. ‘They’re not taking me to the Tal’Shiar…I’m free…’
Kentar could feel the emotion of relief and joy welling up inside of him. He had never felt so happy to see a Federation ship. In his mind he knew that they had done nothing to help with the Cardassian Occupation on Bajor but here he was, a having this young Romulan’s experience and knowing that things would be better from now on.
The scene changed again and Gired was on the Federation ship looking up at a younger version of the guitar player from the band, but he had brown hair. “Ah’m yer father now,” the man said. “Come on home, son.”
Gired smiled went with his new father. Somehow he knew this man wouldn’t beat him the way Setek had.
There had been so many people on that ship that day, so many introductions and hellos. Greetings and people being shifted from one place to another. Kentar felt lost at first until he was introduced to the man he had since come to know as Dad.
Now he was on a horse, driving cattle on the range. Beside him a younger version of the guitar player sat on a bay horse. Neither of them spoke. There was no need to. They both knew their jobs and they knew the other’s thoughts without talking. He loved his brother. He loved him as much as he had loved Tafv. He took a quick glance for hawks. He liked it like this. If he didn’t like cooking so much, he would be very content to work the range for the rest of his life.
There was a quiet on the range that he had grown accustomed to. Kentar felt the breeze on his face as they herded the cattle to greener pastures. The work was long and hard but felt rewarding. It wasn’t like being in an open field with a knife and a rifle waiting to ambush a Cardassian patrol. No, this was different. This was pleasant.
Gired was dancing with Kathy Reading. She was very pretty with curly red hair and blue eyes.
"Ya determined ta leave after gradyooashun, Gired?" she asked.
"Yeah. Ah jus' wanna be a chef, an' thar ain't really no need fer a chef like tha' round here."
She gave him a looked. "Too bad."
‘Should I kiss her? Would she slap me? Would she think I’m a jerk? What if she kissed me back?’ His insides twisted at the thought. Surprised at his own daring, he leaned closer and kissed her…
The apprehension had welled up inside his chest and Kentar knew the hesitation that Gired had felt. He knew it because he was experiencing it himself now. It was a strange sensation, something he could never explain. It was something you had to go through yourself and until now he never had.
“You’re the greatest Gired.” A young woman with curly brown hair and brown eyes sat across from him. Her tanned skin was turned bronze in the fading light of the sunset. “How did I get so lucky?”
His hands, on her waist, went up to her back. “I’m the lucky one. I love ya Mikah. An’ I can’t wait fer Saturday.”
“Me neither. I want to be with you now.” She kissed him passionately and then went into her parent’s house. He stood there for a while before leaving.
Part of him felt like he was intruding and the other part felt as natural as if he were Gired. The separation between his and the Romulan’s memories was distinct, but the emotional attachment was blurred. Even as he was going through it, he knew it wasn’t his memories. Still, the sensation was the same. He felt an attraction for Mikah as strong as ever felt by Gired himself.
He was dancing with Mikah. She was wearing a strapless white dress with a veil in her hair. Love was filling him up like drink. He felt drunk on his love for her. He knew in that instant that he would do anything for this woman.
Emotions tied together from one moment to the next, like going through life at high speed.
He was holding his daughter while sitting next to Mikah. She was on a biobed, holding their new son. Love like he had never known was flowing through him like a river. “He’s beautiful. He has yer eyes.” Riku, a year old, looked like her mother. But when Kentar looked at her, smiling, she saw Gired’s eyes in her tiny face. “Ya like yer new brother?”
~So that’s what it feels like to have children.~ Kentar thought.
Gired was hurrying two kids down the corridor, Mikah firing a phaser at some Borg behind them.
"Gired, get the kids to the escape pod!"
"They're all gone!" Gired yelled. "Wait..." There was one left... He practically threw the children in there. "Mikah! Mikah, hurry up, they're coming!" He was terrified...terrified the Borg would get him...or Mikah and the children...
A Borg came out of seemingly nowhere and grabbed Mikah. He watched, horror gripping his stomach as Mikah began the process of becoming Borg. "NO!!!" he screamed. "MIKAH!!!" He could barely see for the tears in his eyes.
Mikah fell to her knees..."I love you...go...go." She fell forward to hide her now-pale face him.
He stood there a moment, frozen in shock. Then he saw something move. The Borg was coming for him. The kids were crying. He jumped into the escape pod and closed the hatch on his heart.
Kentar stood there, horrified at the sight. He’d lost her. The one he had loved so much and now she was gone. He looked at the two children huddled and crying. Kentar wrapped his arms around them, wanting so much to comfort them but the feeling of loss and pain in his heart was too much for him to bear. He hadn’t the strength. He hadn’t the courage.
He was lying on his brother's couch. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to do anything. He had just given up trying to find her. He never would. 'Even I did, she'd assimilate me...' Gired had never felt so empty and hollow. It was as if someone had reach in his chest and carved his out with blunt knife.
Tex sat on the arm of the couch. "Gired. Ya gotta git up."
"No."
"Ya have ta."
"No."
"The kids need ya. Now ya got two choices wit this. Ya can stay here an' crack up an' let this beat ya...or ya let yerself heal. Thar's nuttin' wrong wit mournin Mikah. I liked her, I really did. But she woodn' want ya ta crack up like this. Come on. Why don' ya go ta the kids? They're hurtin' too...an' they need their dad."
Gired knew he was right. He sat up and looked at Tex and nodded.
~He was right. ~ Kentar thought. He had to be strong for the children. Mikah would have wanted him to go on.
He was on DS5. He had opened his fourth bar and restaurant. He had achieved his dream. 'I wish Mikah was here...' he thought. He looked at the Trill next to him.
"What ya think, Torin? Think Mack'll make it?"
Torin smiled. "Yeah. He will." Torin was always so soft-spoken. He was just gentle like that.
Gired nodded, still smiling. "I think he will too. An' he deserves it." 'No one deserves it more...' he thought.
Even as he looked around Kentar felt a pride of accomplishment. This was something he had dreamed about for years and now it was a reality – again.
He saw Davina for the first time in the bar of the Andromeda. "How ya doing, Miss..."
"Hauf. Davina Hauf."
Gired nodded, wondering what was wrong with him. Mikah was gone, but... She was very pretty...
~ Davina. ~ There was a mix of emotions. A blend of loss and found when he saw her again. For Gired it was the first time but for him it was a time again. Like so long ago when he was young. She was just as beautiful now as she had been the last time he had seen her. Before he had been taken away.
He was in the flight simulator with the star fighter wing xo. Russel was standing before him. He felt...cold...angry...furious. He loathed the child in front of him. "You shouldn't a done that ta him, Russ. Ya never shoulda done that ta my son."
"Son? He looks nothing like you! You're Romulan."
'Little shit...' Gired couldn't control his anger...he stabbed the child in the shoulder with his sword. That arm would be useless from now on. He had stabbed him in the joint. 'Great...What am I now...He has learned his lesson...' Gired was considering leaving when the boy ran forward and impaled himself on Gired's sword.
'No...' he thought. He wasn't a murderer. He didn't like taking the lives of others. And now he had...Win would never forgive him... 'Can I fergive myself?' he thought.
"Tell Win I love him."
Gired felt sympathy for the boy as he said, "I will."
It was then that Kentar knew he had done the right thing by Gired by letting him do what he needed to do. He didn’t want to know what the man had done and had promised that he would protect what needed to be protecting. Now, watching it and feeling it the way that Gired had experienced it confirmed his choice. Gired had been angry, and rightly so, but he had no desire to see the boy dead. In pain and suffering yes, there was no doubt about that, but the act of revenge was only on the surface. He wanted to teach the boy a lesson and the dead learn nothing.
He was pushing his thoughts into Win's mind. 'Please let this work...' he thought. ~Win? Win, can you hear me?~
~Gired?~
~Win, I'm here.~
~Don't leave me...~
~I'm here too.~ said another voice.
~Javron?~
~I'm going to adopt you. I'm going to make sure nothin' happens to ya. Ya understand me? Nothin's gonna happen ta ya. Not s'long as I'm alive.~
He could feel Win's pain as he thought, ~Don't leave me...~
Kentar could feel a tear rolling down his cheek. He had watched the scene from a distance the first time but now, he was watching it again through Gired’s eyes and mind. He was seeing it again for the first time. He swallowed and tried to blink the tears away.
He was standing in the holodeck, waiting for the Big Three...the command staff of the ship. He saw Kentar and tried to suppress his dislike. But something else came up...what was it...it felt familiar...
"Computer, run program 1-4-Valentine-1." He paused, scared. 'What are they saying? Why aren't their lips moving?' Gired wondered. He could feel something inside him building. He didn't know what it was...
"Are you okay?" Karen asked him.
Finally he came out of it. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Good maybe you can finish this."
He led them out into the garden and tried to tell them about it but froze again.
He was vaguely aware of Jenna telling the computer about her favorite.
Then it happened. Total control. For an instant, he felt as if he could bend Commander Guilder's mind to his will. It was horrible...or was it?
He couldn't take his eyes off him. 'What've I done? What if it happens again?' Half of him hated the idea, but a small part wondered what would happen if it did. He saw Kentar walking towards him...
Kentar knew he was concerned about Gired, but from Gired’s vantage he felt like he was about to have to explain something he couldn’t. That his actions were in violation of something. He could feel the tension in Gired even as he walked towards him. Gired didn’t know that he was there out of concern and not as someone looking for an argument.
He was sitting across from Kentar, hating himself. He knew he would attempt to beat him, but he would get the same as Commander Guilder if he tried. Then he said it...he brought Javron into their fight. 'I'll never forgive you for that, veruul, never.'
It finished building and it was released. He felt deflated. 'I gotta get outta here.' Then Kentar said it...he was a monster. It struck deep into his heart. He was right. He was a monster. He had to get away before he hurt Davina.
"I'll see you tonight at 1900."
He left, trying to get away from everyone so they would be safe. If only he could fade away... if only it would go away forever...
~Javron?~ Kentar thought. He hadn’t mentioned or even thought about Javron. Gired felt threatened by him but even still he hid behind his son. Kentar remembered the lash of emotions that had come at him in that moment. Too much to make sense of. Had it been anyone else they may not have survived it. His Mak-ta training had aided him yet again. Gired felt stronger than he really was but Kentar had no intention of showing him just how fragile Gired really was.
The Bajoran remembered saying what he had even as he heard it through Gired’s ears. They were words of release to compensate for what was going on in his mind when Gired launched the boom of emotions and memories at him. He had felt the anger, rage, sadness and love that Gired had stored up in himself for all of his years. When he looked at Davina as Gired, he felt the same as he had when it was himself looking at him so long ago. He didn’t want to put her in danger. He loved her too much for that.
Now he understood. Would Gired ever understand him?
OFF:
Commander Kentar Chinari
Chief Intelligence Officer
Memories of Gired's Life by:
Gired
by Commander Kentar Chinari & Lieutenant JG Gired
Post Details
| Title | ...another man's nightmare. | |
| Mission | M5 The Trial | |
| Author(s) | Commander Kentar Chinari & Lieutenant JG Gired | |
| Posted | Sun Feb 07, 2010 @ 6:19pm | |
| Location | Kentar's Quarters | |
| Timeline | MD 5 MD 7 2100 hours |
The day’s events had taken a toll on his energy level and Kentar was ready to get some sleep. There was so much going on in so short a time that he hadn't had the chance to rest in what felt like an eternity. He lowered the bed from it's wall-mount and after undressing climbed under the sheets. He rested his head against the pillow and closed his eyes, shutting out the world around him and entering the one within.
It was chaotic to put it mildly. Noises and visions from what seemed like all of time bombarded his mind. At first there was no distinction to it. It was almost as if he was experiencing the crew’s thoughts all at once. Then things began to form, images became clearer and sounds more distinct. He could here specific words, sights, emotions and the physical contact that came with what was happening.
Gired was looking across the table at Kentar, hating him and at the same time knew he was right ‘Damn him. By my Element, damn him to Areinnye. Damn him for bringing up these memories… Damn him for bringing that…thing…back… Maybe he’s right… Maybe Father was right… Maybe I am a monster… This isn’t how I wanted her to find out… This isn’t how I wanted her to find out at all… I have to get out of here…’
~Was this what it was like? ~ Kentar wondered. He had seen the event replayed in his memories but not from his perspective. He had been sitting with Gired when that had happened. The thoughts weren’t his either. They were Gired’s. That’s when he realized that he was living the memories of the man who made no qualms about making his dislike for him known. The blast from his mind left a lot to sort through. A lot of anger, rage and hatred.
Now he was with a boy who looked no older than five. There was a name...Tafv. He could feel his heart throbbing, a lump in his throat at the thought of him. The sadness gripped his innermost being whenever at the thought of Tafv.
~We’re special, Tafv. We’re special cause we can do this.~
~Yeah. Kihai can’t do it. He only thinks he can.~
A Romulan male walked into the room. Kentar suddenly felt the way he had when he was two and three years old when the Cardassian doctor would open the door to his cramped cell.
“Are you talking with your minds again?” The man thundered. “I forbade you from talking with your minds! You’re freaks you little monsters! I’ll show you to do that! If I don’t then they will!”
His voice rumbled in his ears. Kentar watched, listened and trembled at the memory that didn’t belong to him. He hated it, hated the man that grabbed him by the arm and dragged him outside to the hlai barn. Gired’s little legs couldn’t keep up with the pace the man as taking. Kentar could feel the dirt beneath his feet, the smell in the air as dust was kicked into the air and he bounce stepped to keep his balance.
“Father, what are you doing?” Tafv asked.
“Father, what are you going to do?” Gired asked. His voice trembled and Kentar could feel the warble in his throat.
Their father threw them on the barn floor and closed and locked the door. “Now you will learn what happens to freaks and monsters who talk with their minds.” He picked up the whip they used for the hlai.
Both boys froze, terror running through them. “Father…please…” Gired cried.
Kentar could hear the whip coming towards him as it sliced through the air, making a piercing scream. The sting of contact burrowed through his skin, sending the taste of bile to his throat and fire to his mind. Before the echo of the first blow could subside, the singing, screaming sound was heard again and again and again.
~Who was Tafv?~ Kentar thought as the images and the pain subsided. There was a brief moment of silence and darkness.
The scene changed and Gired was tied by his wrist to a barn door frame watching as Tafv was beaten with the same whip, knowing he was next. Kentar watched through the eyes of the young Gired, felt the course manila horse rope scratching against his skin. His thoughts were focused on the boy in front of him, even as the tears streamed down his cheeks.
~It’ll be okay, Tafv. We just gotta make it go away. We gotta make it go away Tafv. We have to stop it. ~
Tafv was thrown to the ground in a shuddering, bloody heap.
‘It’s going to be worse…we didn’t do that before…’
~It? Suppress what? ~ Kentar struggled to understand even as he felt it, knew the thoughts and the emotions behind them. It was clarity and confusion at the same time. What was so wrong with being telepathic? What had they done that warranted such vile treatment from their own father?
The scene changed again and they were eight. The voice of their Father hollering for Tafv echoed down the hall. Gired turned his brother by the shoulders and gave him a slight shove. “Go hide in the closet, Tafv!”
“No, Gired, he’ll hurt you!”
“It’s not your fault, you can’t control it. Just go hide, Tafv!”
“Thanks Gired.” Tafv ran into the closet, stealing a last look at Gired as he closed the door. Gired turned and went to the barn willingly for what would be another bad beating…
~ Don’t go. ~Kentar pleaded. ~Don’t go. It’s not worth it. You’ve done nothing wrong.~
The scene changed again and he was nine, sitting cramped into the cargo hold with the other dissidents. Chulak was looking out the viewport. “There’s a Federation ship! We’re saved!”
The Romulans cheered. Gired felt a wave of relief sweep over him. ‘They’re not taking me to the Tal’Shiar…I’m free…’
Kentar could feel the emotion of relief and joy welling up inside of him. He had never felt so happy to see a Federation ship. In his mind he knew that they had done nothing to help with the Cardassian Occupation on Bajor but here he was, a having this young Romulan’s experience and knowing that things would be better from now on.
The scene changed again and Gired was on the Federation ship looking up at a younger version of the guitar player from the band, but he had brown hair. “Ah’m yer father now,” the man said. “Come on home, son.”
Gired smiled went with his new father. Somehow he knew this man wouldn’t beat him the way Setek had.
There had been so many people on that ship that day, so many introductions and hellos. Greetings and people being shifted from one place to another. Kentar felt lost at first until he was introduced to the man he had since come to know as Dad.
Now he was on a horse, driving cattle on the range. Beside him a younger version of the guitar player sat on a bay horse. Neither of them spoke. There was no need to. They both knew their jobs and they knew the other’s thoughts without talking. He loved his brother. He loved him as much as he had loved Tafv. He took a quick glance for hawks. He liked it like this. If he didn’t like cooking so much, he would be very content to work the range for the rest of his life.
There was a quiet on the range that he had grown accustomed to. Kentar felt the breeze on his face as they herded the cattle to greener pastures. The work was long and hard but felt rewarding. It wasn’t like being in an open field with a knife and a rifle waiting to ambush a Cardassian patrol. No, this was different. This was pleasant.
Gired was dancing with Kathy Reading. She was very pretty with curly red hair and blue eyes.
"Ya determined ta leave after gradyooashun, Gired?" she asked.
"Yeah. Ah jus' wanna be a chef, an' thar ain't really no need fer a chef like tha' round here."
She gave him a looked. "Too bad."
‘Should I kiss her? Would she slap me? Would she think I’m a jerk? What if she kissed me back?’ His insides twisted at the thought. Surprised at his own daring, he leaned closer and kissed her…
The apprehension had welled up inside his chest and Kentar knew the hesitation that Gired had felt. He knew it because he was experiencing it himself now. It was a strange sensation, something he could never explain. It was something you had to go through yourself and until now he never had.
“You’re the greatest Gired.” A young woman with curly brown hair and brown eyes sat across from him. Her tanned skin was turned bronze in the fading light of the sunset. “How did I get so lucky?”
His hands, on her waist, went up to her back. “I’m the lucky one. I love ya Mikah. An’ I can’t wait fer Saturday.”
“Me neither. I want to be with you now.” She kissed him passionately and then went into her parent’s house. He stood there for a while before leaving.
Part of him felt like he was intruding and the other part felt as natural as if he were Gired. The separation between his and the Romulan’s memories was distinct, but the emotional attachment was blurred. Even as he was going through it, he knew it wasn’t his memories. Still, the sensation was the same. He felt an attraction for Mikah as strong as ever felt by Gired himself.
He was dancing with Mikah. She was wearing a strapless white dress with a veil in her hair. Love was filling him up like drink. He felt drunk on his love for her. He knew in that instant that he would do anything for this woman.
Emotions tied together from one moment to the next, like going through life at high speed.
He was holding his daughter while sitting next to Mikah. She was on a biobed, holding their new son. Love like he had never known was flowing through him like a river. “He’s beautiful. He has yer eyes.” Riku, a year old, looked like her mother. But when Kentar looked at her, smiling, she saw Gired’s eyes in her tiny face. “Ya like yer new brother?”
~So that’s what it feels like to have children.~ Kentar thought.
Gired was hurrying two kids down the corridor, Mikah firing a phaser at some Borg behind them.
"Gired, get the kids to the escape pod!"
"They're all gone!" Gired yelled. "Wait..." There was one left... He practically threw the children in there. "Mikah! Mikah, hurry up, they're coming!" He was terrified...terrified the Borg would get him...or Mikah and the children...
A Borg came out of seemingly nowhere and grabbed Mikah. He watched, horror gripping his stomach as Mikah began the process of becoming Borg. "NO!!!" he screamed. "MIKAH!!!" He could barely see for the tears in his eyes.
Mikah fell to her knees..."I love you...go...go." She fell forward to hide her now-pale face him.
He stood there a moment, frozen in shock. Then he saw something move. The Borg was coming for him. The kids were crying. He jumped into the escape pod and closed the hatch on his heart.
Kentar stood there, horrified at the sight. He’d lost her. The one he had loved so much and now she was gone. He looked at the two children huddled and crying. Kentar wrapped his arms around them, wanting so much to comfort them but the feeling of loss and pain in his heart was too much for him to bear. He hadn’t the strength. He hadn’t the courage.
He was lying on his brother's couch. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to do anything. He had just given up trying to find her. He never would. 'Even I did, she'd assimilate me...' Gired had never felt so empty and hollow. It was as if someone had reach in his chest and carved his out with blunt knife.
Tex sat on the arm of the couch. "Gired. Ya gotta git up."
"No."
"Ya have ta."
"No."
"The kids need ya. Now ya got two choices wit this. Ya can stay here an' crack up an' let this beat ya...or ya let yerself heal. Thar's nuttin' wrong wit mournin Mikah. I liked her, I really did. But she woodn' want ya ta crack up like this. Come on. Why don' ya go ta the kids? They're hurtin' too...an' they need their dad."
Gired knew he was right. He sat up and looked at Tex and nodded.
~He was right. ~ Kentar thought. He had to be strong for the children. Mikah would have wanted him to go on.
He was on DS5. He had opened his fourth bar and restaurant. He had achieved his dream. 'I wish Mikah was here...' he thought. He looked at the Trill next to him.
"What ya think, Torin? Think Mack'll make it?"
Torin smiled. "Yeah. He will." Torin was always so soft-spoken. He was just gentle like that.
Gired nodded, still smiling. "I think he will too. An' he deserves it." 'No one deserves it more...' he thought.
Even as he looked around Kentar felt a pride of accomplishment. This was something he had dreamed about for years and now it was a reality – again.
He saw Davina for the first time in the bar of the Andromeda. "How ya doing, Miss..."
"Hauf. Davina Hauf."
Gired nodded, wondering what was wrong with him. Mikah was gone, but... She was very pretty...
~ Davina. ~ There was a mix of emotions. A blend of loss and found when he saw her again. For Gired it was the first time but for him it was a time again. Like so long ago when he was young. She was just as beautiful now as she had been the last time he had seen her. Before he had been taken away.
He was in the flight simulator with the star fighter wing xo. Russel was standing before him. He felt...cold...angry...furious. He loathed the child in front of him. "You shouldn't a done that ta him, Russ. Ya never shoulda done that ta my son."
"Son? He looks nothing like you! You're Romulan."
'Little shit...' Gired couldn't control his anger...he stabbed the child in the shoulder with his sword. That arm would be useless from now on. He had stabbed him in the joint. 'Great...What am I now...He has learned his lesson...' Gired was considering leaving when the boy ran forward and impaled himself on Gired's sword.
'No...' he thought. He wasn't a murderer. He didn't like taking the lives of others. And now he had...Win would never forgive him... 'Can I fergive myself?' he thought.
"Tell Win I love him."
Gired felt sympathy for the boy as he said, "I will."
It was then that Kentar knew he had done the right thing by Gired by letting him do what he needed to do. He didn’t want to know what the man had done and had promised that he would protect what needed to be protecting. Now, watching it and feeling it the way that Gired had experienced it confirmed his choice. Gired had been angry, and rightly so, but he had no desire to see the boy dead. In pain and suffering yes, there was no doubt about that, but the act of revenge was only on the surface. He wanted to teach the boy a lesson and the dead learn nothing.
He was pushing his thoughts into Win's mind. 'Please let this work...' he thought. ~Win? Win, can you hear me?~
~Gired?~
~Win, I'm here.~
~Don't leave me...~
~I'm here too.~ said another voice.
~Javron?~
~I'm going to adopt you. I'm going to make sure nothin' happens to ya. Ya understand me? Nothin's gonna happen ta ya. Not s'long as I'm alive.~
He could feel Win's pain as he thought, ~Don't leave me...~
Kentar could feel a tear rolling down his cheek. He had watched the scene from a distance the first time but now, he was watching it again through Gired’s eyes and mind. He was seeing it again for the first time. He swallowed and tried to blink the tears away.
He was standing in the holodeck, waiting for the Big Three...the command staff of the ship. He saw Kentar and tried to suppress his dislike. But something else came up...what was it...it felt familiar...
"Computer, run program 1-4-Valentine-1." He paused, scared. 'What are they saying? Why aren't their lips moving?' Gired wondered. He could feel something inside him building. He didn't know what it was...
"Are you okay?" Karen asked him.
Finally he came out of it. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Good maybe you can finish this."
He led them out into the garden and tried to tell them about it but froze again.
He was vaguely aware of Jenna telling the computer about her favorite.
Then it happened. Total control. For an instant, he felt as if he could bend Commander Guilder's mind to his will. It was horrible...or was it?
He couldn't take his eyes off him. 'What've I done? What if it happens again?' Half of him hated the idea, but a small part wondered what would happen if it did. He saw Kentar walking towards him...
Kentar knew he was concerned about Gired, but from Gired’s vantage he felt like he was about to have to explain something he couldn’t. That his actions were in violation of something. He could feel the tension in Gired even as he walked towards him. Gired didn’t know that he was there out of concern and not as someone looking for an argument.
He was sitting across from Kentar, hating himself. He knew he would attempt to beat him, but he would get the same as Commander Guilder if he tried. Then he said it...he brought Javron into their fight. 'I'll never forgive you for that, veruul, never.'
It finished building and it was released. He felt deflated. 'I gotta get outta here.' Then Kentar said it...he was a monster. It struck deep into his heart. He was right. He was a monster. He had to get away before he hurt Davina.
"I'll see you tonight at 1900."
He left, trying to get away from everyone so they would be safe. If only he could fade away... if only it would go away forever...
~Javron?~ Kentar thought. He hadn’t mentioned or even thought about Javron. Gired felt threatened by him but even still he hid behind his son. Kentar remembered the lash of emotions that had come at him in that moment. Too much to make sense of. Had it been anyone else they may not have survived it. His Mak-ta training had aided him yet again. Gired felt stronger than he really was but Kentar had no intention of showing him just how fragile Gired really was.
The Bajoran remembered saying what he had even as he heard it through Gired’s ears. They were words of release to compensate for what was going on in his mind when Gired launched the boom of emotions and memories at him. He had felt the anger, rage, sadness and love that Gired had stored up in himself for all of his years. When he looked at Davina as Gired, he felt the same as he had when it was himself looking at him so long ago. He didn’t want to put her in danger. He loved her too much for that.
Now he understood. Would Gired ever understand him?
OFF:
Commander Kentar Chinari
Chief Intelligence Officer
Memories of Gired's Life by:
Gired